The Decision by Wayne Wallace

 

Phillip Murphy lay in his backyard hammock, in the shade of the huge old elm, munching on an onion and jalapeno pizza and chugging a beer, contemplating the difficult decision he had to make.  Should he ask Emily to marry him?  The thought kept running through his head.  But what if he did, and she told him, no?  Phil yawned, it was such a nice afternoon and he was soooo sleepy…

 

 “I’ll tell you what you ought to do Pilgrim,” John Wayne, tall, powerful, dressed in a faded red chambray shirt, western, leather vest, dusty trousers, well worn cowboy boots and the inimitable western hat, told him, in his familiar tone.  “You ought to ride right up to her, reach down and scoop her up, throw her over your saddle and ride off into sunset with her.”  Phil looked at the Duke, mulling over what he had said and started to answer.  But what should he call him?  John?  Mr. Wayne?  Duke?  As he was deciding, John Wayne turned around and offered more advice.  This John Wayne was different however, older, slightly bent, now having a bit of a pot belly, and sporting a patch over one eye.  Phil recognized this later version of the screen icon.  It was Rooster Cogburn from the True Grit movies.  “Son, what you need to do is take charge!  Don’t let nobody stand in your way.  If you want her, take her!” The old Lawman told him as he turned away.  “Thank you Rooster,” Phil told him, “I will certainly keep that thought in mind.  Phil headed for the door in the old west Marshal’s office and opened it to leave.  Outside the door, the scene abruptly changed.  It was Times Square, in New York City.  A cab stopped and Phil slid into the back seat, “Take me to a good hotel, I need some rest!” Phil said, “I know just the place” the driver replied, and sped off.  Phil looked at the driver’s registration on the sun visor and said, “Aren’t you……..? Phil began.  “Jim Ignitowski”, Sunshine cab company,” the.  The driver turned around and smiled, while narrowly missing a pedestrian.  Phil’s jaw dropped, it was Christopher Lloyd as the ex-hippie, cabbie, “Jim” from the television program, “Taxi”.  “That’s it, ”Phil said, “I just have to get some rest.

 

After ten terror filled minutes of Jim’s weaving through traffic, the cab skidded to a stop.  “Friendliest hotel in town,” Crazy Jim said.  “How much?” Phil asked, unfolding a wad of bills.  “On the house friend,” Jim told him.  “And by the way, it’s none of my business, but, go get that lady Emily, my friend.” Phil, dazed, nodded to Jim and got out of the cab.  Jim smiled and sped away.  That’s precisely when everything turned from full color to black and white.    A chill went up Phil’s spine as he turned around and saw the motel and the old house on the hill.  The sign said “Bates Motel.”  Phil heard the eerie voice of an elderly woman.  It came from the old house on the hill.  “Norman, there’s a customer at the motel.”  Phil turned and saw the silhouette of a woman in a rocker in the window. She yelled, “Tell him to go away.  We don’t want any more strangers checking in!”   “Mother please, he’ll hear you!” The dutiful son admonished.  Phil knew now that he must be asleep and dreaming.  He wisely decided not to wait for Anthony Perkins to show up, and tried one of the motel room doors, room number 4, he read, as the door squeaked open.

 

As Phil closed the door behind him, he was nearly blinded by the sudden brilliance of lights and colors that he encountered.  He tried shutting his eyes tightly again, the scene was unchanged when he reopened them.  This time, Phil was on the bridge of the Starship Enterprise.  The ship’s crew, was busy trying to out maneuver a Borg battle cube, and apparently, no one noticed that Phil had joined them.  “Warp speed Mister Data, prepare for the Picard maneuver,” Captain Jean-Luc Picard ordered.  “Aye, sir, reverse thrusters ready on your command,” the android Lt. Commander reported.  “Do you think it will work Captain?” Commander Will Riker asked?”  “It’s our only chance Number One,” the Captain solemnly replied.  “Not yet, not    yet……” the Captain said, “Now!  Engage thrusters!”  “Thrusters engaged,” Data answered.  Suddenly the ship rolled backward 360 degrees and was, miraculously, now chasing the ominous looking Borg battle cube.  “Fire photon torpedoes,” Picard, commanded.  “Torpedoes away,” answered the android. There were a few tense seconds as the crew held its collective breath.  They watched on the huge screen, as the Borg cube exploded into tons of space junk.  The crew cheered and celebrated. “That Captain sure do kick ass don’t he? The question had come from behind Phil.  He turned, standing there in the shadows, behind him, was Whoopi Goldberg as Guinan, the ship’s lounge hostess..  “He’s so bad….” She sighed adoringly.  “How you doin’ Phil?” she asked him.  Phil’s voice dryly squeaked as he replied, “A bit stressed I think Guinan,.”  “Come on down to the lounge, I have just the thing for that,” Guinan told him.  Phil followed Ms. Goldberg onto the ship’s elevator.  “Ships lounge,” Guinan ordered.  The doors made that patented “Star-Trek” sound, as they closed.  Guinan took Phil’s hand and said to him, “You know what you have to do about Emily don’t you?”  “Well,” Phil told her, “I have had some advice on that subject today.”  “And you should heed it!” she told him with a wink.  The elevator stopped and the doors opened with that indescribable noise.  Phil looked out the doors, expecting the ship’s lounge, but instead;

 

The elevator and Guinan had disappeared and Phil was now in the pilot’s seat of an old post World War I biplane, soaring through the sky.  Phil looked over the side and saw midtown Manhattan far below.  “What the hell?, I don’t know how to fly this thing!” Phil yelled over the wind noise. But he grabbed the “stick” and began maneuvering the plane like an expert.  “Oh well, nothing else has made a damned bit of sense today.” Phil thought out loud.  Straight ahead was the top of the famed Empire State building, and hanging from it was none other than the legendary giant ape, King Kong.  Phil zeroed in on the big ape and squeezed the trigger of the machine gun mounted to the plane’s fuselage.  There was a very loud, cartoon-like, “POP” sound, as a huge, plastic dart with a suction cup on the end, launched from the machine gun and plopped onto the ape’s head and stuck between its eyes.  The ape roared in anger and reached out to grab Phil’s plane.  Phil, now it seems, an aviator ace, could have easily dodged the ape, but it was just at that moment that he noticed the beautiful blonde on the ledge next to Kong.  It was Emily, Phil’s girl friend, and hopefully, soon to be fiancée!  Phil was so shocked that he failed to make an escape maneuver, and the ape grabbed and crushed the plane’s starboard-side wings.  The aircraft began an awkward, spinning dive towards Manhattan, far below. Phil climbed almost out of the seat and was ready to bail out of the ruined airplane when he realized that he was wearing the same clothes he had put on this morning when, unfortunately, he had not known that he would be in need of a parachute.   As he and the wrecked plane spun faster and faster towards New York City., he tried desperately to wake up. But it was no use.  Far below, he saw a tree, and he was headed right for it.  Phil closed his eyes just before impact.  There was a tremendous crash and an explosion and Phil hit the ground hard. He tumbled head over heels.  Phil felt water splashing over him and awoke, and found that he had fallen from his backyard hammock, and the lawn sprinkler was systematically rotating and soaking he and the surrounding turf.  “What a nightmare,” he moaned.  Then Phil saw his cell phone on the grass.  He grabbed it and punched in Emily’s number.  He heard her answer and he said, “Emily, marry me; okay?!”  There was a brief silence, followed by Emily’s reply.  “Oh Phil, Of course I’ll marry you. I thought you were never going to ask me.  I knew you were so nervous!” she laughed and said. “What made you chill out and decide so suddenly, you big ape?”  Phil hesitated for just a moment and then answered quizzicly, “Twas beauty that chilled the beast Emily..”