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Long Lost Love A James Everhard Adventure by Wayne Wallace
Scene
1
Sizing Up the Competitors
Rick’s Café American, aside from being the foremost watering hole for fictional characters both famous and infamous, is equally famous for its annual Championship Darts Tournament. The tournament held each March, Rick’s Tournament of Champions, draws the best dart throwing competitors from all over the world. This year’s competition will be a week long event, held in the bar, featuring more than 100 of the world’s best dart throwers, and guarantees Rick booze sales that will go clear off the charts. James Everhard, private detective, and his partner in adventure, Chief of Detectives (retired) Bill Chaple are sitting at the rosewood bar, sipping scotch and watching the competitors warm up for the first round of Rick’s Tournament of Champions. The annual tournament always provided lots of out-of-town, beautiful women for the duo to visually examine and, if they are lucky, persuade to leave the premises for the purpose of carnal endeavors. Primarily for this reason, non dart throwers themselves, Everhard and Chaple absolutely loved the arrival of the tournament. Judging from the talent here tonight, the tournament promised again to be another great one for our two heroes. The first competition tonight was in the women’s singles division, Everhard and Chaple’s favorite. Everhard had zeroed in on a beautiful, long haired, blonde from Malibu, California named Misty, who was competing at Board #3 just a few feet away. While Chaple, on the other hand, had thrown all of his support behind a brunette with enormous hooters named Charlene, who had flown in from Duluth for this tournament, and currently was competing at board #2.. The two adventurers sat on their barstools cheering after each skillful shot that their respective favorite made. The competition ground on through the night, beautiful female competitors came and went, trying for the highest cumulative scores possible. Some fantastic scores had been posted by the women, but no scores so far, for our two heroes. Who had had so many turn downs this evening that the two detectives were beginning to doubt their respective techniques. Neither man was used to this level of rejection. Then she entered the bar. Immediately, a hush fell over Rick’s and all that could be heard was the light thud of darts hitting cork. This was quite possibly the most gorgeous woman any of the men in the establishment had ever laid eyes upon. All eyes, male and female, were glued to this beautiful creature as she sauntered from the front door to the rosewood bar. The hush was so sudden that the competitors stopped throwing their darts and tried to see over the crowd to determine who or what had so awestruck the crowd in the bar. Chaple was staring so intently at the woman that a string of drool dropped from his lip, which also clenched his ever-present cigar and landed on his red-striped, power tie. No one noticed. Everyone in Rick’s was mesmerized by this gorgeous woman. Everyone that is, except, James Everhard. Everhard just sat facing the huge mirror behind the bar, sipping his rusty nail and wearing a poker face. The woman wore an electric blue, sequined evening dress, that was cut low and revealed more than just a hint of creamy, white breast and enough dark, enticing, cleavage to guarantee the presence of a set of breasts to rival any set ever shown on the pages of Playboy magazine. Her hair was jet black, worn shoulder length. Her eyes were the most captivating pair of blue eyes that Chaple, as she walked past him, realized that he had ever seen. Her skin was creamy pale, the color of parchment, and perfect! As she walked past Chaple, he realized at whom she was staring, and her ultimate destination. His cigar, tumbled out of his mouth and hit the floor, throwing glowing sparks shimmering across the hardwood. No one noticed. She stopped next to Everhard. Still, not a sound came from the bar’s patrons, total silence prevailed. Until she spoke. “Hello James. I’ve missed you these past few years”. Everhard slowly turned on his barstool to face the astonishingly beautiful woman. His poker face slowly turned from a poker face to a broad, welcoming, toothy grin. “Hello, Liz. How have you been?” Liz grabbed the detective’s broad shoulders and pulled him off the barstool. She kissed him. The couple’s kiss proved to be long and passionately deep. When the kiss ended, the stunned crowd actually applauded. And just as suddenly as it had fallen silent, the noise and chatter of hundreds of bar patrons and dart competitors began again. Chaple was so shocked that he didn’t realize that he had dropped his cigar. He continued to stare at the couple. Two stools over, Bud Magnum told Rick behind the bar. “I can’t fricking believe it Rick. Cleopatra of the Fricking Nile walks in, mesmerizes all the damn guys in here and then goes straight over there and plays tonsil hockey with frickin’ Everhard. What does he have, I ask you, what???” Rick just smiled and said, “It’s just the way his writer has made him. The guy is a chick magnet. We should all be so lucky.” Everhard leads Liz to a dark corner booth, neither breaking eye contact all the way to the booth.
Scene 2 – The Magic Darts “How long has it been Liz?” Everhard asked between passionate kisses. “Five years, eight months, six days, and twelve hours, Liz told him, “not that I’ve been keeping track.” She smiled and kissed him again. “Let’s go to my place baby.” Everhard whispered in her ear. “Right after I compete darling,” Liz told him, “I have to defend the honor of Brooklyn!” Liz opened her purse and removed a gold plated box. When she opened the box, Everhard saw the most elaborate set of golden darts he had ever seen. “I got them in China. At a little shop near the great wall, they are very special” Liz told him. Liz rose as the official called her name to report to board #1. Everhard followed her. “Don’t you need to warm up baby?” Everhard asked. “Not with these,” Liz replied holding up the golden darts. Liz took her place at the throwing line in front of board #1. She threw the first golden dart. “Bullseye!” the official announced as the dart struck the center of the board, dead center. Liz’s next dart also struck the bullseye, right next to the first. Again, the official announced, “bullseye!” Liz shot a glance at Everhard and winked a beautifully lashed blue eye before tossing the third dart. “Bullseye,” the announcer said excitedly, “Three straight!” Liz went on through her qualifying round and scored 29 of 30 shots as direct bullseyes. The one that missed had struck another dart and had fallen to the floor. “Our point leader for the tournament and the new high point record holder is Ms. Liz Morse of Brooklyn, New York, with 2900 points!” the announcer told the cheering crowd. The astounding performance at Dartboard #1 had assured Liz the number one seed for the tournament and had won her ten grand for the high total point score. Everhard walked up to her, put his arms around her and gave her a congratulatory kiss. The crowd cheered again. “Let me see those super darts, Chaple said, chomping on a fresh cigar. Liz handed the golden case to the detective. Chaple tested the sharp point of one of them against the tip of his index finger. As the sharp tip touched his finger, there was a small flash of light and a drop of scarlet blood popped out of the finger. “Ouch!” the startled detective said and stuck the injured digit into his mouth next to the cigar. Just then a ravishing redhead came out of the crowd, grabbed Chaple and hurried him out the front door of Rick’s and began rushing him to the Hotel California, across the street. “Hey beautiful. It’s not that I’m complaining or anything, but what’s going on?” Chaple asked the beautiful redhead. “I don’t know, just that a voice in my head keeps telling me that I had to sleep with you. I can’t shake it, It’s too strong!” the redhead told him as they registered at the front desk. As they took the elevator to the sixth floor, Chaple looked quizzically at the puncture wound on his index finger. “Hmmmmm”, he said aloud. Meanwhile, Everhard and Liz speed down Canal Street in the red Viper. When they reached Everhard’s Condo, he pulled up against the curb. “We’re here my love.” He told the ravishing brunette..” Liz just smiled and opened her door.
Scene 3 : Magical Results Chaple tried to get out of the hotel bed and tried to crawl to the sink for a drink of water but the redhead would not hear of it. “Come back here you Sex Machine! Momma needs more loving!” The beautiful redhead growled at the retired detective. Chaple had lost track of the number of times he had made love to the “she dragon” as he had begun to refer to her after their sixth or seventh romp. They had been at it all night and it was now 9:00 AM and there seemed to be no end in sight. The Detective thought, “Is it possible that I might actually die from too much of a good thing?” He envisioned the obit lead in, in the paper now: Retired crime fighter succumbs to heart failure as nymphomaniac pushes him beyond all human limitations! Finally, Chaple decided that drastic action was needed if he were to survive this carnal marathon. Chaple rolled off the bed towards the chair that contained his clothing. Unable to stand on his wobbly legs, he grabbed his gray pinstriped coat and pulled it to the floor, exposing the leather shoulder holster and the fully loaded Colt .357 Magnum it held. He grabbed the pistol, and with a shaky hand, pulled the pistol out of the holster and pointed the big revolver at the redhead. “Alright sister, get out of that bed, get your clothes on and get the hell out of here!” Chaple shouted. Slowly, the pouting redhead got up and started pulling on her clothes. “You really wouldn’t shoot me would you lover?” the redhead pouted. “Baby, there’s not a jury in the country that would convict me after I told them this story. Self defense, kill or be killed, survival at any cost!” Chaple replied. The hastily dressed redhead ran out of the room and slammed the door. Chaple put down the gun and locked the door behind her. He needed a few solid hours of sleep. He crawled back into the sack that had been the sight of this unbelievable test of human stamina and instantly fell sound asleep. There was still a tiny, dried patch of blood on his right index finger where the dart had pricked him. Meanwhile, at his condo, James Everhard and Liz Morse woke at nine, after a slightly more mutually enjoyable night of lovemaking. “Good morning darling. How did you sleep?” James asked the beautiful brunette who lay beside him. “Like a fully satisfied baby,” Liz said, “God, James, you haven’t lost a thing over the years. You are still the best lover I have ever known. And there’s still no bald spot, even after all these years!.” Liz laughed. James looked at her quizzically. “You don’t remember do you?” Liz said. “You used to be afraid you would develop a bald spot on the top of your head with age.” Liz told him. “Well, let’s just say that I spent some time last night admiring the top of your head while you were otherwise occupied, and running my fingers through your curly black locks and there’s still no hint of a bald spot.” The couple collapsed into each other’s arms in rollicking laughter. “Say, we’d better get a move on so you can make the first round of competition at Rick’s. Care to share a shower?” James asked. “Lovely idea,” Liz said, and the couple padded into the bathroom toward the shower.
Scene 4: Those Curious Darts! James and Liz walked into Rick’s arm and arm just before noon. Liz was scheduled to throw at 12:30. They sat at the bar next to Bud Magnum and his main squeeze, Donna Vadelle. No one had seen Chief of Detectives (retired) Bill Chaple since late last night. Introductions were made around and Donna asked Liz where she had met Everhard. “James and I ran into each other in Alexandria, Virginia a few years ago. We were both attending a school in Washington D.C. It was late spring or early summer, I don’t really remember which, but there was an immediate attraction between us. We spent several days and romantic nights together on that trip.” Liz sighed and her eyes met James’ as she told their story. “I’ll never forget our dinner at ‘219’, a beautiful dinner club in old town Alexandria. I think that’s when I first realized that I was hopelessly in love with him.” She kissed James’ cheek and then continued. We both returned home at the end of that wonderful week, but we kept in almost constant contact after that. A few months later, we met in Boston at another school.” “Let me tell this story Liz,” Everhard said, patting Liz’s hand. “We spent another wonderful week in Boston, eating fresh sea food, and touring the wonderful old town. We went over to Cambridge, walked the Harvard campus, and had dinner at The House of Blues, a wonderful little bar and grill, frequented by the Harvard students that featured live music, just off the campus. Posters on the wall told us that James Taylor’s daughter; God, I’ve gotten so old I’ve forgotten her name, was playing upstairs there, that very night. Two students at another table told us that rumor had it that her father would be here tonight for her show. We decided right then and there to purchase tickets and see the show. Maybe sneak a peek at old James himself.” Liz giggled at this and gave James (Everhard) a kiss. Everhard continued, “The daughter came out and sang and played some great acoustic folk songs and told stories about she and James and Carley Simon (her mom) and growing up in Martha’s Vinyard. The show was fun and down home. There were no seats in the room, everyone but the performer on stage stood and drank beer from long necked bottles. After an hour or so, Liz and I had a yearning for some serious lovemaking and we decided to catch a cab back to our hotel. As we walked out, a bald man in jeans and a jean jacket passed us on his way up the stairs. We looked at each other and said ‘ hey wasn’t that?… One of the most fun times in my recent memory.” James said as he kissed Liz’s cheek. “What a romantic pair of trips!” Donna Vadelle told them, “were there any more?” But at that very moment, the official called for Liz to come to board #5. “Be back shortly,” she said as she grabbed the golden dart box and hurried off, James at her heels. “Let’s go watch her throw,” Bud told Donna, and the couple walked over to board #5. As Liz removed the golden darts from their matching box, Donna said to her, “What beautiful darts” she asked,” may I see one?” Liz handed her one of the golden darts. Donna tested the sharp point against her index finger, exactly as Chief of Detectives (retired) Bill Chaple had done the night before. Again, there was a brief flash of light, and a drop of crimson blood appeared on Donna’s finger. She handed the dart back to Liz, never taking her eyes off the crimson droplet of blood on her fingertip. Liz stepped to the line and on the signal, threw her first dart. “Bullseye!” the official proclaimed. Bud and Donna were pushed and shoved by the huge crowd that had come to see the beautiful brunette throw darts. “Hey Bud,” Donna said grinning, “Is that a flashlight in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?” she laughed. “I don’t know what it is Donna, this voice in my head just keeps telling me that I have to sleep with you, right now!” Donna and Bud looked at each other and then turned and pushed their way through the crowd to the door and out to the street. “Let’s get a room”, Donna said. The couple hurried across the street to the Hotel California. As the couple entered the revolving door at the California, they noticed a rather haggard looking Detective Bill Chaple going out the same revolving door. “God he looks like crap,” Donna said, “Bloodshot eyes, scruffy beard, rumpled clothes, hair all messed up, looks like he’s been up all night!” “ Never mind him baby. Right now, my own needs are far more pressing.” Bud said a bit breathlessly.
Scene 5 – “Round One” Liz stepped to the line. Her opponent was a tough looking broad from Philadelphia. She wore leathers and a trucker’s chained billfold. Her hair was very butch, cut in a flattop. The girl literally growled at Liz before they began their match. The game was “301”, where both contestants start with 301 points and the score of each dart reduces that number. The first contestant to zero wins the match. The two women threw at the board to see who went first. Liz scored an inner bull’s eye and won the right to start the competition. “Bitch” the bull dyke uttered as Liz walked by her. “I don’t intimidate easy dyke! And just for that, I’m going to beat your ugly ass in 7 throws!” Liz proclaimed. Her rather masculine opponent said, “You do that and I’ll kiss your ass right here!” “You wish!” Liz said as she threw her first dart. “Inner bull’s eye, fifty points!” the official proclaimed. Liz aimed and threw her second dart. “Inner bull’s eye! Fifty more points!” the official told the gathered crowd. Liz launched her last dart of this turn. “Inner bull’s eye! A total of 150 points for this turn. Liz Morse has a score of 151 points.” The official said. The Dyke took her place at the line and threw her first dart. “Twenty-five points.” The official announced. With her next two darts, the Philadelphia leather girl scored a total of 60 points. Score for our contestant from the city of brotherly love (the crowd snickers) a total of 216 points.” The official said. Liz took her place at the line and promptly threw three consecutive inner bull’s eyes. The astonished official announced, ”Liz Morse’s score is 1 point”. The dyke was so rattled when she came to the line that her first dart missed the board completely sticking in the wall. Her next two darts amassed 58 points. “Pride of Philly, 158 points!” the announcer told the crowd. Liz took her place at the line, and then did a little grandstanding. She turned her back to the board and tossed the dart over her shoulder. The dart made a “thud” as it landed squarely in the 1 point area. “Match’ the official said excitedly, “Liz Morse advances to the quarter finals with only seven throws!”. The defeated bull-dyke approached Liz threateningly. Everhard stood ready to intervene if necessary, but Liz was able to handle the situation herself. “Well drop em’ sister, kissing that fine ass will be my pleasure.” The dyke growled. “Get the F___ away from me Toro!” Liz told her and unnoticed by the crowd, lightly pricked the dyke’s side with a golden dart. “Ouch”, the dyke said thinking something had bitten her. “Enjoy the rest of your evening!” Liz told her as she turned to join Everhard. Meanwhile, at the Hotel California; Bud Magnum and Donna Vadelle had moved from the rumpled sheets on the bed to the floor, then back to the bed, then to the tub and then into the closet and were considering the hallway when Bud proclaimed, "wait a minute! How about the fire escape"?
Scene 6 The traffic crew in the Channel 8 helicopter buzzed over the downtown area. They passed over Rick’s and remarked briefly at the large crowd that must be inside the pub. Then they flew across the street over the roof of the famous Hotel California. "Let’s open the camera for the 6:00 news spot and show the folks at home a bird’s eye view of downtown" the pilot said. The crewman switched on the camera and the red light told them that a live network feed was being transmitted in real time. As the news helicopter circled the historic Hotel California with its camera on, Bud Magnum and Donna Vadelle came clearly into view doing the horizontal mambo on the fire escape in their birthday suits just in time for the early news. The brazen couple stood up and waved excitedly at the chopper, unaware that they were being beamed into thousands of living rooms as they did so. “Holy Shit!” the pilot cursed, “kill the camera, quick!” But the crewman seemed mesmerized. “Look at those hooters!” he said dreamily. The pilot reached across his crewman and hurriedly switched off the camera. From that moment on, this incident in channel 8 news history became known as “the 6:00 expose’.” Inside Rick’s as the helicopter buzzed overhead, a crowd of very bold and boisterous women had surrounded our bull dyke friend from Philly. They were taunting her, copping feels and in general, trying to get her outside. The dyke looked frightened. Liz and Everhard had taken a corner booth at Rick’s and ordered a couple of Rick’s legendary burgers. “Why did we wait so long to get back together Liz?” James asked. “Well there was the little matter of your having gotten married.” Liz replied. “Didn’t last too long.” Everhard told her. “It did however; make me reconsider my options with you Mr. Everhard.” Liz said smiling broadly. “Don’t ever leave again Liz,” Everhard whispered to her right before he kissed her. Liz said nothing.
Scene 7 - The detective probes Chief of Detectives (retired) Bill Chaple sat at the bar at Rick’s Café American discussing politics with the outspoken owner of the cabaret himself, Rick. Rick’s political views were even more to the right than were his, and his were somewhere to the right of Genghis Khan’s. But, as long as Chaple agreed with Rick and praised his political insight, Rick kept pouring him scotches, off the tab. Chaple had learned very well how to survive after retirement. But Chaple’s mind kept wandering from the discussion of values and morals and Republicans to those most unusual darts and the effect they had had, not on him, but on others, concerning him. How did they work? Where did they come from? What else could they do? Chaple’s detective’s curiosity and his insatiable need for logical solutions were, at the moment, driving him nuts! He had to talk to Liz Morse about those damned darts! He scanned the bar, looking for the mysterious blue-eyed, brunette. In a dark corner booth at Rick’s, Liz and Everhard necked and murmured vague obscenities to one another. Their romantic mood was unceremoniously broken by the cigar chomping, retired detective who sat down, slid around in the booth next to them and began with his questions. “Ms. Morse, I would like to know some things about those golden darts of yours.” Liz reached into her purse, removed the golden carrying case, handed them to Chaple, and said, “Sure Chief, knock yourself out. Just don’t prick your finger!” “Or vise-versa,” Everhard quipped. Chaple examined the darts, careful not to touch the points. “May I inquire as to where you purchased these beauties?” Chaple asked. “I purchased them on a vacation in mainland China last year”. Liz told him. “The old gentleman who sold them to me said that they were magical. I didn’t believe him at the time, however…..” “Yes, I think I may have personally witnessed some of their magic.” Chaple told her. “Would you mind if I had these darts analyzed by some friends of mine in a forensics lab in L.A.?” Chaple asked the striking brunette. “Sure, right after I finish competing this afternoon. Then James and I are off on a trip to China. He’s interested in a set of golf clubs they have at the same shop that sold me the darts.” Liz explained. “Everhard you son-of-a-bitch, are you planning on hustling Tiger Woods or someone?” Chaple asked. “Perhaps,” Everhard told him thoughtfully. Chaple thanked Liz Morse and upon further questioning, was informed that the finals were at 3:00 pm today. Liz was the heavy favorite to win. Chaple returned to his stool at the bar and realized that Rick apparently had not even known that he had stepped away. He caught Rick’s summation in mid sentence. “And with control of the White House as well as the Senate and the House, we can finally be uninhibited in the passage of some really meaningful legislation that will finally get this country back on the right track.” Rick said. “And not a moment too soon,” Chaple concurred as Rick poured him another pre-gratis scotch.
Scene 8 Bud Magnum and Donna Vadelle walked into Rick’s Café American just before 3 PM. They received a standing ovation for their stand-up and wave performance for the Channel 8 news helicopter. The live feed had been a huge hit on the overhead television sets at Rick’s. Hoots and whistles and shouts of “nice hooters!” had raised the roof at the packed cabaret. Bud and Donna took bows and were generally good sports about the ribbing they received from the huge crowd in the bar. “Our fifteen minutes of fame I suppose,” Donna shouted so Bud could hear her over the cheering. “I think most of the cheering is for you my dear,” Bud teased. Even having said this to Donna, more than a few bold ladies let Bud know, in no uncertain terms, that they had enjoyed what they saw as well. Of course a swarm of horny guys would buzz around Donna, every time Bud moved even a few feet away. “My, my, it is so tedious being a sex goddess,” Donna teased in her best Mae West voice. The finals of the dart competition, lady’s bracket, were announced. Liz’s competitor in the finals was none other than Everhard’s dear friend and sometimes lover, Toni Brinkley Breltz. The two women approached the line and shook hands, exchanging pleasantries. Liz noticed that Toni carried a golden dart box exactly like her’s. The general rule for starting first was to throw for high score, however, Liz graciously conceded the starting throws to Toni. Toni stepped to the line and began to throw. That is when Liz noticed that Toni’s golden darts were an exact match for her’s. Toni promptly threw three consecutive inner bull’s eyes. One hundred and fifty points were subtracted from Toni’s 301. “T.J. Breltz, 151 points remaining!” the official announced. “it may be a lonnnngggg contest James.” Liz told Everhard as she took the line. Liz also threw three consecutive inner bull’s eyes with her golden darts. “Liz Morse, 151 points remaining!” the official informed the astonished crowd. Toni had also noticed the similarity of darts, and looked at Liz smiling and asked.” Mr. Chan’s shop in China near the great wall?” “The very one, “ Liz answered with a crooked smile. “This should be verrrry interesting,” Toni said. Toni stepped to the line and promptly threw three consecutive, inner bull’s eyes. “The flabbergasted official stammered, “I can’t believe it. Another perfect 150 points! That leaves one point for T.J. Breltz.” The crowd went wild! Everyone could sense the pressure Liz felt as she stepped to the line. Her first two darts were inner bull’s eyes. Liz took her time before throwing the third dart. The stunned crowd was totally silent as Liz threw her third dart into the inner bull’s eye. “Unbelieveable! Two perfect scores thus far in the finals! One point remains for Liz Morse!” the official told the crowd. Toni Breltz stepped to the line. Her teen-aged granddaughter approached the line, hugged her way too young and beautiful grandmother and told her. “I love ya T.J., now kick some butt!” The sentiment was not lost on Liz and Everhard. “Great kid!” Everhard told Liz. “Straight A’s, wants to go to college.” Liz smiled and looked thoughtfully at the teen. Toni stepped to the line and threw a single dart squarely into the ‘one point’ section. “Zero points for Toni Breltz”, the announcer said. Liz stepped to the line. She took a deep breath and threw her dart. The dart landed just a centimeter to the left of the ‘one point’ section and stuck in the twenty point area. “The tournament winner is Toni Brinkley Breltz!” the official announced. The two beautiful competitors shook hands, hugged and the official presented them with their winner’s and runner-up checks. Twenty-five grand for Toni and fifteen grand for Liz. T.J.’s granddaughter hugged her grandma. “You’re the greatest T.J.!” she said as the two walked out of Rick’s. Everhard and Liz went back to the bar and joined Chief of Detectives (retired) Chaple. “Here, have em’ analyzed, just don’t forget where ya’ got em’ Chief.” Liz said as she handed Chaple the golden box. “You threw the match on purpose didn’t ya.” Chaple said as a statement of fact rather than as a question to Liz. “The match would have lasted forever. James and I have plans. You can just call it a first year tuition scholarship for the granddaughter.” Liz told the retired detective. “I’ll be back for those darts in three weeks. Don’t lose them.” Liz told the cigar chomping retiree. “I’ll guard them with my life.” Chaple said. “You two have fun in China.” Everhard and Liz wanted out of Rick’s arm-in-arm.
DONE
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