Reunion in Tucson

Featuring the Gambler

By Wayne Wallace

 

Scene 1

            The cowboy leaned back in his chair and put his dusty boots up on the table.  His spurs dug into the already scarred surface.  “Barkeep, whiskey, and leave the bottle!” he shouted in the direction of the aproned man behind the bar.  The bartender took down a full bottle from the shelf, took a glass, dusted it off, and took them to the cowboy.  The bartender poured the first drink which the cowboy promptly drained, trying to wet down the trail dust that had settled in his parched throat. 

            Further down the long bar T.J., the beautiful proprietress of the Roundtable Saloon, stood polishing shot glasses.  She eyed the cowboy inquisitively.  She hadn’t seen him in here before.  “He was a stranger and a damned handsome one too, she thought.

            Above the saloon, Melany, the most popular of Tom Mann’s working girls stood on the second floor landing, staring down at the cowboy.  She had been waiting for him to show up for months.  Now, at last, he was here.  What was she going to tell him, and how would he react?

            The noon stage rolled into Tucson, and a man in a three-piece black suit and a hat with a band made of silver coins jumped down and brushed the dust from his jacket.  He paid a young lad a quarter to carry his bag to the hotel.  He looked up and down the street, checked the ever present two shot derringer that he carried in his vest pocket.  It was loaded and ready.  Satisfied, he walked slowly towards the Roundtable Saloon.

            Peering out the window of the sheriff’s office and jail, Bill Chaple, the town’s sheriff watched the man in the three pieced suit as he walked towards the saloon.  Something about him looked very familiar to Chaple.  Had he known him back in Indian Territory, or had it been in the Dakota’s?  He couldn’t quite place him, but he had a very bad feeling about it.

            Looking out the dust streaked window of Newman’s Dry Goods Store, Dona Hamptonsworth, the school marm gasped aloud when she saw the Gambler.  Her heart skipped a beat.  Was it really him?  It had been so long ago in Indian Territory.  “Dona, you look like you’ve seen a ghost!  Are you alright?””  Ken Newman the store’s proprietor asked her, “Yes, I’m alright, “ Dona stammered, “But I really must go now.” She said as she rushed out the door.

            In room 203 of the Sooner Room Hotel, Dennis the gunslinger and his sweetheart Annie had just finished a very athletic noon time delight in the sack.  “Damn, Dennis my love, you act like you ain’t had a woman in months!” Annie whistled.   “I always get extra horney when I’m fixin’ to kill somebody.” Snarled the ruthless gunslinger.

 

Scene 2

            Cautiously, the cowboy placed his hand on the butt of his colt peacemaker as the Gambler slowly came through the saloon doors.  He gripped the colt and waited and watched, waiting for the gambler to make his move.

            Sherry the dancehall girl tapped the piano man on the shoulder and nodded towards the Gambler.  The piano man stopped playing in mid note and nervously took a long pull on his beer.  A hush fell over the saloon.  T.J. the beautiful proprietor of the saloon continued to polish glasses but edged closer to the double barreled twelve gauge she kept behind the bar. 

            Every eye in the room fell on the Gambler.  He walked past all the drinkers, card players and dance hall girls, directly towards the cowboy, stll sitting with his feet on the table. The only sounds in the room were the Gambler’s boot heels striking the old plank floor.

            “Hello Cowboy” said the Gambler, “Mind if I join you?”  “Would it matter?” asked the Cowboy, his hand still on his six gun.  “No, I reckon it wouldn’t” said the Gambler , as he pulled out a chair and sat down, facing the Cowboy.  “What  brings you to these parts?” the Cowboy asked.  “Come to find my gal, I won’t be in town long.” The Gambler answered.  “Last I heard, you weren’t homesteadin’ here either Cowboy.  What brings you to Tucson?”  Lookin’ for someone, come to get her and then mosey on back to Indian Territory, maybe settle down.”

            The nervous crowd in the saloon began to relax a bit when guns were not pulled immediately.  The piano man began to play again, card players went back to their games and the lovely Sherry began a chorus of “She’ll be comin’ around the Mountain.”   T.J. went back to her glass polishing but stayed within reach of the old shotgun.

            Melany, Tom Mann’s most popular working girl started down the stairs towards the two men.  She loved the Cowboy, but she had to warn him, make him leave.  Tom Mann would never let her go, he was wealthy and powerful and he would stop at nothing to keep her his personal prisoner here in Tucson.

            Melany was just a few feet from the two mens’ table when C.B. the town drunk passed by her, wielding a huge butcher knife.  “I been waitin’ ten years to kill you, you cheatin’ Gambler.  Now you’re gonna’ die!” the old drunk yelled as he lunged towards the two men.  Melany reached into her bra that contained two gorgeous 38s (and one .22 caliber derringer) and fired a shot into the back of the old drunk’s head.  The old man stumbled and fell dead, jabbing the butcher knife into the two men’s table.  The Gambler, derringer now in his hand and ready, recognized the old man from a long time ago.  The Cowboy, also with sixgun in hand, looked into the eyes of Melany, who had saved them.  She looked back at him the look in both their eyes was one of unfulfilled passion.

            Across the street at the Undertaker’s, Marshall the undertaker shouted, “Hot damn, the fun’s just beginning.  Hurry up with those pine boxes, Nick, I knew it would be a great day for business as soon as I saw the Gambler get off the stage!” Marshall the undertaker shouted excitedly.  “Stick this lousy frickin’ job up your ass you butt head!”, (Nick’s profanity was perhaps a century ahead of its time) Nick Hodge yelled back at his boss.  “I’m getting’ a real job over at Tom’s Whorehouse, working for Tom Mann!”  “Terrible career move Nicholas,” his boss intoned, “You’ll end up a slimy pimp just like Tom Mann.”  Marshall immediately looked around in a panic to see if anyone had heard him say something bad about the evil, spiteful Tom Mann.  There was no one within earshot.  Marshall breathed a sigh of relief.

            Checking the time on his gold pocket watch, Tom Mann looked around his plushly appointed office, and chewing on his Havana cigar, said to his attentive group of henchmen, “Well, any minute now, that Cowboy will become a former problem of mine, heh, heh, heh,” his evil laugh made the tips of his waxed handlebar mustache quiver. ”Thought he’d just ride into town and make off with my most valuable asset huh?  Well Cowboy, not in my town!.  Watch me and learn boys.  Never let love screw up a money making proposition.”

            At that very moment, Dennis the evil gunslinger was in his hotel room strapping on his guns.  “How come you always got to go when I’m in the mood for another poke?” Annie purred from under the covers.  “Got business to attend to honey, the gunslinger growled.  “Is this another job for Tom Mann? She inquired.  “You’re always runnin’ off doing whatever he wants you to do!” she pouted.   “It pays the bills honey,” the gunslinger answered.  “now quit complainin’.  I gotta go kill me a Cowboy.  I’ll be back back in a little while.” And the gunslinger went out the door of the Sooner Room Hotel and strode down the dusty street towards the Rountable Saloon.

            Bill Chaple, the sheriff, watched the gunslinger, and knew he was up to no good and started to follow him when the lovely Ms.Tucker, another of Tom Mann’s working girls stopped the sheriff and whispered something in his ear.  “You betcha sweetie,” was his reply as the two of them turned and headed for the Sooner Room Hotel.

            Dressed in her buckskins and face painted with war paint, Lynn Harten, better known by her Indian name of  Two-Dogs as One, chanted, “They both must die” as she methodically sharpened her lance point with a sharpening stone.  “They both must die”, she chanted again and again , she asked the spirits to give her strength to accomplis what she had to do.  She sat in her lodge, preparing for what she must do.  She would kill them both, revenge would be hers.

 

Scene 3

            The Gambler stared into the face of the old town drunk, who lay dead on the floor, and he began to remember where he had known him before (Begin Flash back)  It had been ten years ago in Indian Territory.  He remembered sitting at a high stakes poker game when a young, clean cut fellow asked if he could be dealt in.  The fellow was a bank teller at the local bank and was engaged to marry the lovely Miss Joan Houston.  All he needed was a grunbstake for he and the lovely blonde to buy a place and settle down.  He felt that this was his chance.  He had withdrawn all his savings from the bank and he had come to beat the man in the three piece suit.  The young man was doing well, he had a large stack of chips in front of him.  That’s when the Gambler dealt him 4 Kings.  The betting was steep, the young man bet everything he had, and he knew that this was his destiny, he and Miss Jane Houston’s future.. The young man made the final call shoving all of his chips into the pot.  Everyone but he and the Gambler had folded their hands.  The young man confidently flipped over his four kings and began to rake in the chips.  “Just a minute young fella” The Gambler said, as he showed his hand,”I have 4 aces”.  The Gambler raked in the chips and the young man jumped up, vowing to kill the cheating gambler, but being unarmed, he ran out of the saloon.  A dancehall girl later told the Gambler that Miss Jane Houston became so distraught over the young man losing all their savings, that she caught the next train back to Boston.  The young man never recovered, he took to the bottle and aged quickly.  Now he lay lifeless at the Gambler’s boots. (End flashback)

            Just then the bartender shouted, “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome the west’s most famous fan dancer, the beautiful and talented Miss Fannie Ever-Ready!” The crowd went wild!  Fannie had been the most famous fan dancer on the Barbary Coast until a scandal involving she and the crew of a whaling vessel forced her to move east.  Every man in Tucson (save the good Reverend Murphy) always turned out whenever she took to the stage.  Dancing naked behind two large feathered fans, she offered an occasional glimpse of her beauty to the crowd.  This always resulted in boisterous hooping and hollering; and when the cattle drovers were in town, six-gun shots through the roof.  Which T.J. always had to get fixed before the next rain (a rare but inevitable occasion).

            Dona was determined to get to her love, the Gambler.  She rushed from Newman’s Dry Goods Store to the saloon.  She was going to take him in her arms and never let him go.  She had left him once, but never again, she wasn’t going to lose him this time.  She pushed through the swinging double doors of the saloon just as Fannie began her dance.  The place was so crowded and noisy that she couldn’t see her long lost love. She searched the room but she could not see over all the tall men who had crowded in front of the stage. .She began elbowing her way through the smelly mass of humanity, looking for the Gambler.  One drover roughly groped her breasts as she shoved by him and she kneed him hard enough in the groin to keep a longhorn bull down for a week.  She continued through the crowd.  Then she saw him, at a back table with the cowboy.  He saw her at the same moment and they started towards each other.  Before they could reach each other however, two cattle drovers who had been arguing over a dancehall girl, pulled their side arms and began shooting.  One of them fell to the floor.  The gunshots started a panic and everyone started rushing to the door.  It was a human stampede.  The lovely Fannie Ever-Ready was carried from the stage atop the crowd of cowpokes, farmers and drifters out to the street.  Nothing was left of the two large, feather fans but a handful of feathers, floating towards the ground in the hot, dry air. Out in the street, Fannie struggled to cover her nakedness with her hands, to no avail.  Ironically enough, Miss Ever-Ready was rescued by none other than the good Reverend Murphy.  He came to her rescue with a blanket to cover her as they retreated to his small parsonage.

            Inside the now quiet saloon, Dona ran across the room and threw herself into the Gambler’s arms.  “Oh darling, I’ve missed you so much!” she sobbed. When their lips finally separated, the Gambler said, “I’ve come to take you with me honey.  I’ll never let you get away again.”.  “I’ll never leave again,” Dona sobbed.   “Let’s go over to my room at the hotel,” he suggested, “I’ve a great deal to tell you.”  The Gambler said as the couple walked away, arm in arm towards the hotel. 

The Cowboy took Melany in his arms as they sat together in a darkened corner of the saloon.  “You happened along just at the right time darlin’,” the Cowboy told Melany.  “I been lookin’ for ya’, we need to talk,” the Cowboy said shyly drawing imaginary circles on the floor with the toe of his boot. “Yes, we do” replied the grimly serious Melany.  “It’s  not safe for you here.” 

Meanwhile, Marshall the undertaker was whistling as he stacked the two bodies on a wheel barrow and T.J. mopped the red gore from the floor, .”Where the hell is that no good sheriff when you need him?” she wondered aloud.

Across the street, in the shadows, Dennis the gunslinger watched and waited.  He wanted to let things quiet down before he carried out his chore.  The job that Tom Manners had paid him so handsomely for.  He felt and mentally counted the notches on his .45. Sixteen, soon he would add one more.

Meanwhile, naked in the sweat lodge, Lynn Harten, Two Dogs as One, let the heat in the lodge cleanse her soul and body as she prepared  for the task that lie ahead, “they both must die!”

 

Scene 4

            The Gambler unlocked the hotel room.  He held the door for Dona.  They both listened as the headboard from the bed in the next room beat rhythmically against the wall.  “Somebody is having one hell of a time in the next room,” the Gambler said laughing.  Little did they know that the first in a long line of future law enforcement officers was at least partially responsible for the rhythmic headboard.  Bill Chaple senior, current sheriff of Tucson was there with Miss Donna Vadelle, his favorite lady in the employ of Mr. Tom Manners was causing the racket.  The sheriff’s  son, Bill Jr  would become a famous U.S. Marshal working in Dodge City, Kansas.  His grandson, Bill the third would become the Chief of Detectives for the Los Angeles Police Department.

            “Shall we join them?” purred Dona?  Moments later, the headboard concerto became a duet.

            In a dark corner of the saloon, the Cowboy and his gal, Melany sat and talked.  “I want you to come back to Indian Territory with me,” he told her, “we can raise cattle and babies”.  “There is nothing in this world I would rather do.” She sobbed. ”But Tom Manners will never let that happen.  He’s keeping me here like a slave. He will never let us leave here alive”.  “Why Hell, honey, I ain’t scared of that old rat!”  the Cowboy said laughingly.  “It’s not him my love.  He has a hired gun, Dennis the gunslinger. He’ll gun you down!” she said embracing the cowboy.  The Cowboy looked Melany in the eyes and said, “I ain’t leavin’ here without you Melany”.  “I wouldn’t bet on that Cowboy”, growled Dennis the gunslinger, silhouetted by the afternoon sun behind him as he came through the swinging doors.  “You’ll leave here in a box, you no good, cow screwin’ pile of buffalo dung.” Dennis the Gunslinger spat.  The Cowboy stood and faced the gunslinger.  “No Darling, you can’t face him he’s too fast!”  Melany sobbed.  “Shut up whore!” the Gunslinger shouted, as he pulled his .45.  The Cowboy pulled his colt from its holster but he was just a heartbeat too slow.  The Gunslinger’s bullet tore into him and the impact knocked him off his feet.

            T.J. watched from behind the bar and when the Cowboy went down from the Gunslinger’s bullet, she ducked behind the bar and grabbed the double barreled 12 gauge. .She came up fast and fired both barrels into thegunslinger.  Dennis the Gunslinger was knocked backward by the blast as three dozen or more pellets tore into his face, arms and chest.  “Bitch!” he screamed as he emptied one of his colts into the mirror behind the mahogany bar.  T.J. scrambled behind the bar to escape flying pieces of mirror, broken bottles, wood and spilling liquor.  Dennis the Gunslinger, now mortally wounded, bleeding from dozens of places, stumbled towards the bar, pulling his other colt with the intent of finishing off T.J., the woman who had caused this damage to his body.  He reached over the bar, cocked the single action .45 and pointed it at the back of T.J.’s head.  A gun roared and T.J. wet the crotch of her frilly pantaloons as she fully expected to fade to black.  The Cowboy had staggered to his feet when he saw what was happening and blew the back of the Gunslinger’s head off before he could squeeze the trigger.  The Cowboy fell back into Melany’s arms, seriously wounded.  Where the hell was the sheriff? 

            Marshall the undertaker, upon hearing the gunfire, hurriedly wheeled the bloody wheel barrow across the wagon rutted street into the saloon.  He was simultaneously mentally counting his money and cursing his no good assistant Nick for quitting just when he needed him most.

            High on the hill outside Tucson, Lynn Harten, Two Dogs as One, sat on her paint pony in full war paint, clutching her war lance.  The time was close now.  She could feel the energy of the spirits entering her body.  The man who had left her mother to die and the woman who now shares his bed would soon die at her hand, revenge would be hers!

 

Scene 5

            Doc Griffy finished bandaging the Cowboy’s chest.  “He’s lost a lot of blood but he’ll pull through with a little tender loving care,” he told Melany.  “He needs to stay in bed for a couple of days and not do anything too strenuous,” Doc Griffy arched his eyebrow at Melany.  “Don’t worry Doc,  I’ll give him a couple of days before I jump his bones.” Melany laughed.  Doc Griffy left and Melany pulled the covers up on the Cowboy who was sleeping soundly in Melany’s bed in her room over the saloon. 

            Sheriff Chaple walked into the saloon and found T.J. alone, bent over, sweeping up broken glass from behind the bar.  He watched with interest as her nicely shaped rear end moved from side to side. “What in the Hell happened here?” Sheriff Chaple asked.  “Oh nothing much Bill.  Just about got my head blown off.  The Cowboy saved my ass and finished off Dennis the gunslinger.  Two drovers had a shoot out and one of them’s over at the undertaker’s now.  C.B. the old town drunk went loco and tried to kill the Gambler and got his head blowed off. Other than that, it’s been an uneventful afternoon sheriff.  And by the way, where the hell were you, when all hell broke loose?”  T.J. asked pointedly.  “I was on official business,” the sheriff answered. “Was all of this self defense?” Sheriff Chaple asked and quickly changed the subject.  “Sure, sure, but, who’s gonna’ pay for all this damage ?, My broken bar, the spilled booze.”  T.J. complained.  “Don’t know my love, but have I told you lately how beautiful you are when you’re angry?” The sheriff cooed.  “Oh Bill, you silver-tongued devil.  Let’s go up to my room,” T.J. told him.  “Great idea T.J.,  I have to get a statement from you anyway,” said the sheriff, as the two of them went arm and arm up the staircase towards T,J.’s room.

            The Gambler and Dona lay together on the rumpled sheets after making love and watched the sun set through the window of the hotel room.  The Gambler smoked a thin, black cigar.  “Dona, there’s something that I must tell you.  It happened about 20 years ago, before we met.  I was ambushed by some outlaws whose money I won in a poker game.  They shot me, took the money and left me for dead.  An old Indian Medicine Man found me, took me back to his village and he and his daughter, Mollywaska (an Indian name meaning really kewl lady) nursed me back to health.  I was with them for a couple of months, I almost died, and if it hadn’t been for them, well…..”  The Gambler paused and exhaled a stream of blue smoke from the cigarillo. “Go on darling, then what happened?” Dona said.  “As I got better, Mollywaska and I would take long walks in the woods and talk.  One afternoon, we shared more than just conversation”.  The Gambler hesitated and Dona urged him to continue with a smile that said, I understand.”  “Later,” the Gambler continued, “I left and went back to Indian Territory to start over and get my life back together”.  “And you never saw Mollywaska again?” Dona asked.  “No, but I tried,” the Gambler sighed,  ”A few months later I returned to the village but the Indians had moved their camp.  I could not find them.”  “But just last week I found the old medicine man alone in the woods.  He was dressed in ceremonial buckskins, and was waiting to die.  I gave him water and asked him if he remembered me.  He did, and before he died, he told me that Mollywaska had given birth to a baby girl, my daughter.  The girl was named Lynn Harten or, in their language, “Two Dogs As One.”  The girl grew strong and beautiful.  Her mother kept telling her that her father was The Gambler, and that one day he would come and take them to live with him.  One winter, almost the entire tribe came down with smallpox.  The old medicine man and Lynn Harten were among the few that survived.  Mollywaska succumbed to the disease”.  “Oh darling”, Dona sobbed, “You have a daughter. We must find her!”  The Gambler said, “Yes dear, we must.  It’s why I came back, to get you and find her and return to Indian Territory with you both.  She lives just outside of town in the desert.  We’ll look for her first thing in the morning”  “Yes, we will my love, and we will find her,” Dona promised him.

            “Boss, boss”, the breathless henchman said excitedly as he ran into Tom Manner’s office.  “Big shoot out at the saloon.”  “Heh, heh, heh”, chuckled Tom Manners.  “Anyone killed?” he asked with mock concern.  “Yeah”, the henchman answered, “Old C.B., a drover, and Dennis the Gunslinger”.  “WHAT?!” Tom Manners yelled, spitting a new Havana cigar halfway across the room.  “That’s impossible, not Dennis the Gunslinger!”    “It’s true boss,” the henchman sputtered, ”The Cowboy killed him.”   “Well son-of-a-bitch, you just can’t get good help any more.” Tom Manners cursed.  “Time for a new plan.  Send that new guy in here.  What’s his name?  Nick, that’s it, get him in here!”

            The next morning, Sunday, the congregation of the First Christian Church fidgeted in their seats, wondering what to do next.  Sister Ophelia Hiney had already led the faithful in eight hymns and Reverend Murphy had still not shown up.  Where was the good Reverend Murphy?   No one had seen him in almost twenty-four hours.  He had never missed a Sunday since he’d been here, almost 7 years.  Sister Ophelia sent her young son to the parsonage to see if Reverend Murphy was sick and in need of help.  Meanwhile, she led the congregation in all 6 verses of “Bringing in the Sheeves.”

            “Darlin”, Dona said to the Gambler as they dressed, “ Ken and Gerri Newman at the dry goods store know everyone in and around Tucson.  If anyone knows where to find Lynn Harten, it will be them.  Don’t fret my love, we’ll find her today.”

            At the saloon, Sherry the dancehall girl was working feverishly, trying to get the drinks and glasses set up for the early crowd that would be coming in soon.  “Where the hell is T.J.?,  I haven’t seen her in hours”  she wondered aloud.

            At the funeral parlor, Marshall, the undertaker took a look at his handywork on Dennis the Gunslinger.  “Damn fine work, If I do say so myself,” he thought aloud.  “Had to glue his frickin head back together, but aside from that slightly cocked right eye, he doesn’t look too bad.”

            On the hill overlooking Tucson, “Two Dogs as one” chanted and smoked a peyote button in her long pipe.  She was searching for strength from the spirits .  Suddenly a vision appeared, it was her grandfather, the medicine man.  “Two Dogs”, the spirit beckoned, the shimmering vision continued, “You must not do this thing!  The Gambler is a good man who never knew you had been born or that your mother was sick”.   “No, this is not true!”,  Lynn cursed the vision as it faded.  She would very soon kill the man her mother had known as The Gambler.

 

Scene 6

            “You wanted to see me sir?”  Nicholas Hedge said as he entered Tom Manner’s office.  “Yes, Nick, I have a very important assignment for you”.  Nick beamed a broad smile and answered,  “Anything sir”.    “Good,” Manners said, “I want you to kill the Cowboy,” Manners told him very matter-of-factly.  “What?” Nick exclaimed.  “Why I’m no good with a gun, he’d blow me away!”  “Yes, yes, I know that Nick.  I don’t expect you to have a shoot out with him.  I know that you are a deceitful, calculating, devious bastard.  That’s why I hired you!”  Manners told him.  Nick beamed with pride, “Why thank you sir.”.  “I want the Cowboy out of the way, and I know you can figure a way to do it.  I want something sneaky and despicable!”  Manners said.  “I’m your man sir!” Nick answered proudly.  “I’m on it.  I’ll have a plan by noon!, “ Nick told his new boss. 

            At Reverend Murphy’s little parsonage, Ophelia Hiney’s son, knocked on the door, and shouted, “Preacher, are you alright?”  The boy could hear feminine giggling in the background.  “Oh, well, no son, I’m sick in bed”.  (more giggling). Tell the congregation I’ll be fine in time for Wednesday night supper and preachin’.  (Loud feminine laughing)  “Just run along now and give my apologies to the congregation”.  The preacher muttered a quick prayer and returned to what he had been doing.  Fannie Ever-Ready peered at the good Reverend Murphy from under the covers of his feather bed and laughingly said, “I ‘d say you were pretty damned kinky, old boy, but not sick!”  then she burst out in robust laughter.

            “It seems that you are feeling MUCH better,” Melany told the Cowboy after a long, sweet lovemaking session.  “Yep,” the Cowboy said, “I’m fit as a fiddle, just a little sore.”  “What should we do today?”  Melany asked the Cowboy. ”How about you and me getting’ married?” the Cowboy asked. “Oh Cowboy, there’s nothing I would rather do.  I just hope Tom Manners will leave us alone now that Dennis the Gunslinger is dead.”  “Don’t worry about that varmint my love,” was the Cowboy’s reply, “Now lets go find the Gambler and Dona, and tell them of our plans.  Then we’ll go find the Good Reverend Murphy”

At the Sooner Room Saloon, T,J. came down from her room with her hair somewhat askew and he lipstick smeared.  She took her place behind the bar and began helping Sherry and the other girls serve the early customers.    A minute later,  Sheriff Chaple came down the stairs and approached Sherry at the bar.  “Howdy, Sherry, you sure are lookin’ good today,” the sheriff crooned, his eyes fixed on Sherry’s ample cleavage.  “I’m conducting an investigation about the shootings yesterday and I need to take a statement from you”. The sheriff said in his most official tone.  “Sure”, Sherry purred, “My place or yours?”  “Over at the jail in my office”, the sheriff told her with a sly wink, “Meet me there in five minutes.” 

            “It was an engineering masterpiece!  A fool proof device for death and destruction”. Thought Nick Hedge as he completed his device.  He carefully attached a triggering device to the six sticks of dynamite neatly tucked into a cigar box.  He had affixed six kitchen matches to the box in such a manner that when the lid was opened, the matches would strike against a square of sandpaper and light a short, 5 second, fuse.  When it was next opened, a big surprise would be in store for the Cowboy.  He grinned and thought how far up the ladder this would move him within Tom Manner’s operation.  He carefully tucked the cigar box under his arm and headed across the street to Ned’s Livery  Stable, where the Cowboy’s horse and gear were being kept.  Inside the dark barn, Nick was glad to see that nobody was around.  He carefully placed the cigar box in the Cowboy’s saddle bags.  Unseen by anyone, Nick slipped away.  Unseen by anyone that is,  except……Arnold the wonder horse, The Cowboy’s faithful Apaloosa stallion. 

            The four , reunited and deliriously happy lovers discussed Melany and the Cowboy’s plan for getting married that very day.  “You mind if we make it a double ceremony?” The Gambler asked the two.  “That is, if you’ll do me the honor of being my bride, Dona.”  “Oh, of course, you know I will”  Donna gushed.  “yes.   This will be perfect,”,  Melany said.  “Hey kid”, the Gambler said to a young boy passing by.  “Here”, he handed the lad a twenty and a five and said, “Go fetch me Reverend Murphy.  Give him the twenty and tell him to come do a wedding ceremony.  Have him meet us at the hotel.  The five’s for you.”  The boy’s eyes got as big as silver dollars.  “But I gotta tell ya’.  I think the Reverend is sick in bed”.   “You tell him to drag his sick butt out of bed and get over here or I’ll come drag him out myself!” The Gambler told the lad.  “Yessir!”  the boy shouted as he turned and ran towards the parsonage.  

            As the two couples strolled along the boardwalk, back to the hotel, they passed by the Sheriff’s office.  They heard a loud rhythmic banging against the wall of the office.  The couples just smiled at each other and continued walking. 

            At the Livery Stable, Arnold the wonder horse took the cigar box out of the Cowboy’s saddlebags with his teeth.  With the cigar box firmly in his mouth, he turned and galloped out of the barn and jumped over the corral fence.  He trotted to the infamous brothel and corporate headquarters of Tom Manner’s evil operation and gently placed the cigar box on the front door stoop.

            About fifteen minutes after receiving the Gambler’s message and the twenty, the Good Reverend Murphy arrived at the hotel.  His eyes were bloodshot and he looked exhausted.  “Where’s the happy couple?”  he asked.  “All four of us”, Melany answered.  “Ah, a double ceremony,” The Good Reverend Murphy said.  “Very well then,  Dearly beloved, we are gathered together………

Outside the whorehouse, Tom Manners and his entourage of henchmen walked out into the sunlight.  Spying the cigar box, Tom Manners said, “Ah Havana Havens.  My favorite brand!  Obviously a gift from some avid admirer”.  He said as he opened the box..

            Sherry the Dancehall Girl and Sheriff Chaple were engaged in a carnal embrace atop the sheriff’s desk.  “Sherry honey,” the Sheriff told her, “you’re the only gal in my life.  If that’s not true, let lightning strike me right now.”   KABOOM!!!!!!!

            The entire front of Tom Manner’s whorehouse was blown away, as were Tom Manners and his top ten “yes men”.  Marshall the undertaker was already on the scene tossing salvageable body parts into his wheel barrow muttering to himself, “what a week, what a wonderful frickin’ week!”

 

Scene 7

            The next stop for the four newlyweds was Newman’s Dry Goods store, where Ken & Gerri Newman gave them directions to the lodge of Lynn Harten, better known as “Two Dogs as One.”  The foursome rented a surrey with fringe on its top for their journey to find the Gambler’s daughter. 

            Lynn Harten began galloping her paint a quarter mile out of town.  Her war lance was pointing straight ahead, its sharpened point gleamed in the noon day sun as she started her revenge ride.  As she galloped into the far end of town, she began to have another vision.  This time it was her mother, Mollywaska.  “My daughter, this thing you do is wrong.  He is your father, and he loves you, even now he searches for you.  He did not know that you had been born, or that I had fallen sick.” The spirit pleaded with “Two Dogs.”  Lynn Harten said aloud, “It must be true.”  And began to slow her pony. 

            The Cowboy and Melany sat in the back seat of the fringed surrey.  The Gambler had just helped Dona into the front seat and was walking around the front of the team to get into the driver’s seat,  when he saw an Indian in full war paint seemingly charging at him.  In a flash, the Gambler had his derringer out and aimed at the Indian, waiting for him or her to ride into range.  Then suddenly, he looked into her face.  He saw a blend, she looked so much like her beautiful mother yet he could see his own face present as well.  A broad smile came over the Gambler’s face.  He lowered the derringer and dropped it into his pocket.

            The Cowboy saw the Indian seemingly bearing down on his friend with a war lance and like a lightning flash, drew his colt.  He fired the revolver’s full compliment of six shells at the charging Indian, hoping that he had acted quickly enough.

            As “Two Dogs” was slowing her pony, she saw her father lower his gun and smile at her, she returned the warm smile.  The Gambler watched in horror, however, as her smile turned to a gasp of surprise and pain.  Three of the Cowboy’s bullets found their mark in her young body.  Three bullets also struck her pony and he stumbled and fell.  The war lance flew free of the grip of “Two Dogs” and struck the Gambler’s chest with a sickening, wet thud.

            “Oh my God,no!”  Dona screamed as she jumped from the surrey to go to the Gambler’s side.  The Cowboy and Melany scurried out behind her.  The Gambler stood with the point of the lance protruding through his back, between his shoulders.  He staggered and stumbled towards the fallen Indian girl and her pony.  He looked at her lifeless body and a single tear glistened as it rolled down his cheek.  Then he turned, looked into Dona’s eyes and his lifeless body fell to the ground.

 

Reunion in Tucson     Epilog

            At Rick’s Café American, gathering place for fictional characters both famous and infamous.  “Ha!”  James Everhard exclaimed after reading scene 7 of W.W.’s latest work.  “W.W. killed his ass off after just one story!  I knew the Gambler would never, replace me.”  “Oh James, how could you be so cruel,” sobbed a teary eyed Fannie Ever-Ready.  “I thought the story was beautiful, a true love story.”  Everhard rolled his eyes, “sure you liked it!  You were in it!  Ms. K, has not put you out to pasture!”  “Out to stud, you mean,” replied Chief of Detectives Bill Chaple.  Everhard took a long look at the detective who was drinking coffee and calmly reading today’s copy of Variety. And said to him,  “And you my extremely prolific friend.  Suddenly you have become the stud of record in  W.W.’s latest work.  That’s utter bullshit!  Nobody can perform under the covers as well as James Everhard!” he said defiantly.  “At this proclamation, Fannie Ever-Ready spewed coffee across the table and laughed out loud.  “What the hell are you laughing about Miss Ever-Ready?  I’ve had you calling out for the creator a time or two.  Oh God, Oh God!”  Everhard angrily mocked her.  “Haven’t you ever heard of acting?!” Fannie Ever-Ready yelled in reply.  “That’s it!  That’s fricking it!” Everhard yelled angrily, heading for the door.  “I’m going to see W.W.  He can’t do this to me!” As Everhard stormed out the door, the Cowboy watched from his corner booth.  “Don’t worry J.E. old boy,  W.W.’s fiction is in good hands, ha ha ha ha ha.”

 

END

 

Author’s note:  I hope that you liked this spoof on a western/love story as much as I enjoyed writing it.

WW